The golden land

As a child, I couldn’t wait to grow up. It was like the golden land, a place where you could decide important things, like whom to live with and what you wanted to do.

What could be better than that, especially at a time when everything was pre-decided for you, right down to what you could eat and how much TV you could watch.

Except I had no idea where adulthood lies. For many, if not all, adulthood doesn’t mysteriously appear at 18 or even at 30. I don’t think it even occurs at 70 as my father remains a child in many ways even today.

But then adulthood probably comes with the taxes you have to pay and the annual investments to be made and with having to decide. So, when the time came, and it fell on my head at age 29 when mom died, not before or after, I was not too delighted. Suddenly the connotation of having to decide and the huge span of time the decisions would impact hit me. If you choose the wrong path, it’s a road to hell.

It didn’t help that people around you also don’t seem to have grown. Most of the workplace issues revolve around the same factors you have been coping with from childhood- bullying, apathy, vanity, the ever-popular cheerleaders, the ones up to no good who will always attract you more.

And the choices you get to make are infinitesimal, as they have to be within the set limits. You can only marry someone that people approve of, even if their virtues are make-believe, you have to work or you will not survive, you have to look or behave a certain way or you will be singled out.

Now, on this side of the golden land, it feels like you have been tricked; there never was a golden land to begin with, either here or anywhere.

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