At this stage I vacillitate between days where I don’t understand why am I even around and why people around me choose to live on either.
And yet there are also other times when I believe that there is a semblance of order and beauty in the randomness as well. When I think back I realise that there was guidance at every turn last year, as we grappled with one or the other problems.
Right from my involuntary break as I underwent dental procedures for almost a month when the kindly dentist spouted Zen wisdom, the kindly advice from friends at every turn, the books on spirituality that I ‘chanced’ upon a lot and later when we got a physiotherapist who quoted the Bhagvad Gita.
I don’t know if my mom understood that her end was near and so I don’t know if she got the spiritual sustenance she needed. Towards the end I was too shell shocked to provide any of it either, but I think the words of the physio would have helped her somehow.
No matter how long drawn it feels the end is always sooner than we imagine and it’s true when it happens you are like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. Perhaps that’s why we ought to prepare from now.